Thoughts on dating again....

Written on 5-5-12

i'm a little emotionally exhausted today. but i learned something. i'm not quite as ready to "get back on the horse" as they say as some people would like me to be. that isn't something i have to apologize for. it's not even something i realized until recently. the idea of talking to a guy in real life with the intention of flirting is enough to make me nauseous. there are those that would tell me to force myself. to grow a pair. to be brave. and to them, i say, Why?! why should i have to be ready today? i shouldn't. i want to be, but i'm not. i am too busy snuggling my babies to have time to think about getting out there. If Mr Right knocked down my door this second, i might make time for him, but i can't go looking for him right now. I'll miss my babies growing up if i do. at least that is how i feel tonight. tomorrow is another story.

new thought.....
i have a completely different outlook on life and and a different personality now than i did last time i was in the dating world. then, i was the life of the party. i was the one who was outgoing and vivacious and fun. i was so out there that everyone in the ward knew me. now....i'm just not that person. i still care about people. i still am fun loving, but I am much more content to watch the party from the sidelines. people watching...who knew. it can be fun. i am more cautious. i want to sit back and watch/observe before saying or doing anything. i don't want to make the first move anymore. that makes dating a whole new beast. In some ways i think it's good. if i'm not making a fool of myself, or initiating the first move, then if a guy does make that first move i know it's because HE wanted to, not because i made him, or made him feel guilty or something.