warning. emotional vomit to follow:
hmmm.  well that was weird.  i usually do a pretty DANG good job of being not only content with my life but loving every second to the fullest.  i recognize that my situation isn't ideal, but i also understand that i don't have to let that change my outlook, personality, or mood.  But it's been a long time since i had a good cry.  i was overdue i guess.  add in 5 nights without sleep and 5 days of CRAZY babies plus some added monthly hormone shifts....ya.  no getting around that.  I was reading both of my sister in law's blogs tonight and they both mentioned at some point how they have the best husbands in the world......and it hit.  i broke down completely.  if i ever had had a husband one tenth as great as my brothers i would be the luckiest woman alive.  i don't know if it was jealousy....or if it was a general frustration that many wives who have it good don't get how good they have it....or if it was loneliness....or maybe it was fear that there aren't any left in the world that are as good as my dad and brothers....maybe self pity....i really don't know what all was exploding inside of me. what i do know is that now it's out, and that's usually the first step.  step two?  get back on that horse.  what am i grateful for....lincoln.  lexi.  eyes that CAN cry. good eyemakeup remover so i won't look like a zombie forever. a heart that can hurt and feel pain...because if it can hurt than one day it can love and feel joy too. brothers that are amazing husbands so their wives never have to hurt like i am. medicine that will help lincoln feel better...AKA sleep. bedtime so mommy has time to decompress. i am so grateful that God created opposition.  i love the happy feelings and good times, but i only know their joy because of the sad moments and hard times.